i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
