No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
