I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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