I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
