You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
