I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
