Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
