Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
