If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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