They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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