Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
