And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
