I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
