In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
