my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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