i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
