pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
