I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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