I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
