Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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