Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
