dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize