Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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