be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
