There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
