is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
