Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
