Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ruined the universe
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
