it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
