can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
