Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
