Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
