My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
