i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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