this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
