When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
