The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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