Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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