So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
