I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
