yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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