carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this just has baby written all over it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
