a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
