tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
