So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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