oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
