i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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