Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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