Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
