For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
