Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
