Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
