I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
