It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The adults are the big ones right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
