just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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