I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
