if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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