Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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