i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?