i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
what food is Colorado known for?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman