in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED