So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.