I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
