Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
