i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
