i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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