I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
