i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
